As a way to calm my nerves on bad days, I sometimes recite the alphabet. I will recite quickly, and sometimes slowly. I would never recite the alphabet backwards, because that’s just not fucking possible…And god that would make me even more fucking anxious. However, I would always recite the alphabet completely in its entirety, because god-forbid I leave this one controllable part of me incomplete and unfinished. But Baby… nowadays, I’ll stop before the end, because “Y” stops my train of thought. “Y” is for you. “Y” is for I don’t know “Y” I haven’t thought I need to run away from you. And once “Y” comes up, I think of all the reasons “Y” I want to get closer, close enough that I would forget your breath ever differed from mine. But none are good enough. And so “Y” hovers above all the lovely letters, and I just accept that I can’t quit thinking of YOU. I no longer stop at “x”,”y”, and “Z.” The finality of Z has become unnecessary. The recitation itself is sometimes unnecessary, because all I want to do is zoom past “m”,”n”,”l”,”o”,”p”, and surpass the slow progression of “q”,”r”,”s”,”t”,”u”,”v” in order to get past “w” and “x” to just finally arrive at “y”, that is you.
At the beginning
She warned me about the dangers of staying…
She warned me about herself and her broken pieces.
In her many ways, she turned on
the yellow warning lights, urging me to slow down and perhaps
STOP …turn and run away.
I saw the lights, and I felt the urgency.
But I am not afraid of her broken pieces…
I am afraid that our pieces won’t fit together.-TD
I want to act accordingly to Elinor’s principles, but also allow myself to behave like Marianne and indulge in the romance-induced craze of this relationship. Like Elinor, I need to restrain myself, yet be like Marianne in order to loosen my defenses to connect with this other beautiful human being. I need to behave with propriety, yet breech the boundaries of polite society in order to feel right in place—the place in between her arms and the place where I can only arrive via her soft kisses—of a high nirvana. I need to stop “being selfish” and take care of family matters before attending to my needs and wants, yet I need to drop all in hands and arms to necessitate the need to be in her presence, so close to her that I would forget my breath ever differed from hers.
The truth in sensibility has overlapped with the questionable sense of 20th century delusional love. I know that the words “I”, “Love”, and “You” are as inevitable as our kisses. I know I can love her. Maybe this is the only sensible thing I can know for now.
So I told her…
Without hope or agenda, I want to say that I love you. In a way that surpasses levels of delusional romanticism. I love you in a way that doesn’t need to be reciprocated. In a way that just IS. I wish the best for you, and this friendship is all and more than I’ll ever ask of you.
The sun rises, and my love for you rises too. The sun sets, and I wish you are near for the majesty of my setting, resting heart that bears all the affection in every ray of my soul. Find this sweetheart. Find me. Listen to our silences and know my love for you.
Every Voice matters. And this is exactly the motto this organization holds. This nonprofit group was first started in 2003, and ever since, they have collected over 40,000 interviews in forms of videos like this, and recordings. Each story from 80,000 participants is stored and preserved at the American Folklife Center at the Library of Congress.
Their projects are more than interviews with ordinary folks. Each story created fabricates this network of the livelihoods of different human beings. They test our ability to LISTEN, and to UNDERSTAND.
Today stranger, I want to tell you that even though we do not know each other well, I need you to know that you are worthy. It’s common for tumblees (tumblr users) to send cute little messages informing others of their extraordinary beauty. I won’t be one of them. Instead I’ll exceed those norms. I hope you find someone that uplifts you above the horizons of life and loves you as though his/her breath never differed from your own. I hope you find happiness of your own before finding that significant other. I hope you find that happiness within yourself by discovering your innate skills and passions. Tonight I remembered these hopes of mine, these hopes that I have for you as well…So stranger, my motto in life is to diffuse all the negativity with a spontaneity lifestyle, with daily humor nourishment, and positive productivity. I don’t know you. I may never meet you, but I wish the best for you.